One thing that you don’t get in the north is a good selection of ciders (though you do get the chips) and so whilst we awaited the arrival of noted physicist/ninja warrior Mr Jack Munns and I enjoyed my cider. Mr Munns arrived presently and we retired to Miss Venning’s house, cooked ourselves an evening meal and discussed plans for the show which was to be performed the following evening.
The next day we were joined by the dashing Mr Bridges, a talented actor currently studying in the capital, and Mr Booker who manages a restaurant in Stroud. Why am I telling you this? Well it is these three fine gentlemen who have agreed to be part of the expedition to take tea on Mt Snowdon! Not only this, but Mr Booker had bought us all fetching new T-shirts and Mr Bridges had also brought me a bowler hat. I assure you that finer companions are hard if not impossible to come by.
After a fine lunch of bacon and sausage (in which Mr Booker made a right hash of cutting the loaf of bread) we had organised a set list and had vaguely remembered how most of the sketches went. With that it was off to the Oxford Brookes student union to run though the set with our talented technician Mr Joseph Munns (Erm… Mr Munns 2? Perhaps Master Munns to avoid confusion) and our pianist Mr Alex Howgego who is nothing short of a musical genius (He didn’t just get Grade 8 piano with a distinction. Oh no, he got a medal as well). The technical set up was fantastic with a selection of coloured lights and roving spotlights. I swear they must have had at least three steam generators to provide the power for such a lighting set up.
The show was a joint one between us and offshoot of “The Fortune Players” called “The Fortune Cookies” who were very attractive and singing cabaret in addition to looking very attractive. Time slipped by at such a rate that it wasn’t long before we were sheltering backstage (in the very nice changing rooms!) as the audience started to arrive and with them THE FEAR.
THE FEAR always seems to show up at some point during the Heretical Productions rehearsal/performance process. Perhaps one member has decided to have a lie in until two on the day of the show, or maybe another has decided they can fit both a driving test and a karate lesson in on the day of the show. One way or another THE FEAR always turns up eventually. In this case it was more the fact that we were doing a show to a new audience with about an afternoon’s rehearsal (a large chunk of which had been spent eating bacon).
THE FEAR was fortunately soothed by the fantastic singing of The Fortune Cookies as was the audience, which meant that when we finally went on they took a little warming up to get into the mood. However by the third scene we had just about found our groove and the audience were getting into the swing of things. When the show finally ended the applause from the audience let us know we had given them a good show.
Flushed with our success we spent the next hour in an excited blur talking to the audience, which includes our most dedicated fan, my mother, who had landed back from Burma an hour before we went on!
After the audience had left we retreated to a pub with The Fortune Cookies and proceeded to not only tear up the dance floor but also put it through an industrial blender.
Mr Linsell-
“Dashed good show Chaps”
Mr Munns-
“Indeed, good show all round!"
Mr Booker-
"Well I think it's mainly down to me since I am the funniest."
Mr Bridges-
"Err... Since when were you the funniest?"
Mr Booker-
"Since one of the girls told me I was."
Mr Linsell-
"Well, not wanting to brag but I had three girls tell me that I was the funniest."
Mr Booker-
"Really? Who?"
Mr Linsell-
"The tall blonde."
Mr Bridges-
"Really? She told me I was the funniest."
Mr Linsell-
"You don't think her motives are... you know..."
Mr Munns-
"You don't think she's... you know..."
Mr Booker-
"What?"
Mr Munns-
"You know... being forward."
Mr Linsell-
"I certainly hope not, I'm spoken for."
Mr Booker-
"I certainly hope so, because I'm not!"
Mr Bridges-
"Another drink?"
Mr Munns-
"Capital idea!"
And so after several rum and cokes, a considerable amount of dancing with an enthusiastic Chinese break dancer, one woman openly laughing at our dancing, and about six hours sleep I found myself leaving the house with my new bowler hat and a slight hangover, heading for a cafe and then the train station.
The etiquette was fairly easy going for the start. Walking along clearly the form was to be wearing my hat however I soon found myself at a bus stop.
Hmmmm....
Well it has the character of a room, so hat should be off, but it is outside and clearly a public place, so keep hat on. Then I spied a young woman at the bus stop. How exactly does one define "in the company of a lady"? I don't know her, though that said I am in a bus stop with her. Well if it were an elevator then I would remove it and I guess it's best to err on the side of being overly courteous. Hat off. Decision made. Zounds, I need a cup of tea.
The bus arrived (definitely has the character of a room- Hat still off) and dropped me at the Bottom of Cowley Road (Hat on). I was meeting my good friend Miss Pippa Bird for breakfast. I met her (Hat doffed and removed) and we retired to the tick tock cafe and I had a fry up as well as that all important cup of tea. It was good to catch up and time passed all to quickly. It was then back on to the bus (hat still off) until arriving at the train station (hat on).
Rail replacement services were running from Oxford to Banbury so I found myself in the queue for a coach standing next to a lady (hat off). That said it was dashed cold that morning and my hands were freezing to my new bowler hat. This certainly did not have the character of a room and certainly seemed to be a public concourse. Only difference was that we were standing still. Well I'll put it on unless she talks to me. Right, sorted. (Will breaks- hat back on)
"Nice Hat."
Damn. (hat off)
Boarded the bus (hat still off) and felt strangely awake and invigorated to be alive. Thoroughly enjoyed the bus ride then changed to the train at Banbury (Hat on then off). Managed to make my way back to Durham without any particular incident aside from standard indoor/outdoor hat removal/replacement.
Finally arrived home (hat off)
Letter to The Queen being drafted and proof read! (after all she is The Queen- sloppy grammar would be bad form) Watch this space!
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